Breaking the Unexpected News
You may be feeling many emotions toward him. You may be angry with him, scared that he might leave you, or excited that he is looking forward to bringing a new life in the world. Any feeling you have right now is normal.
In case you are not sure how he will react, here are some ways to prepare the discussion:
- First, make sure you are pregnant. Don’t guess or go on intuition-get a test.
- Talk with people you trust can help ease your anxiety and help get you going to you on getting the support you will need.
- Practice by telling a person you trust.
- Pick out a time and a place when both of you will be at ease and in an area with minimal distractions.
- Please don’t play games or try to make him guess the news. Be honest and inform him that the two of you have gotten pregnant together.
- Don’t start on a negative tone, like, “I have terrible news…” Start with something positive, like how much you value him.
Brace yourself for his first reactions:
- Silence—This is likely the first response. Remember how you felt when you first saw the positive test. You were probably speechless. When you first tell him, he will perhaps act the same way. It doesn’t mean he isn’t interested or won’t support you. It may just take a day or two before a real conversation begins.
- Give him time to sort out his feelings. You probably had time to think a little before telling him. Give him the same.
- “I’ll support you with whatever you want to do”—This is also common. He may not understand the full extent of your needs. But his willingness to support you is a good sign.
- “Is it mine?”—Yes, this is insensitive, but unfortunately, it is also a typical response. It is probably more a shock response versus a true belief about your relationship.
- Address your feelings. Not with him at first–remember you need to give him a moment to think. Hopefully, you will feel supported, but you may feel neglected, abandoned, or betrayed. No matter whom you choose to talk to, talk to someone. Don’t leave those feelings inside.
Sharing the Blessed Event
Probably the second person to know that you’re expecting will be your husband or partner. If he wasn’t there, waiting breathlessly with you, as you took the pregnancy test, then you might want to find some unique way to surprise him with the good news.
- Send them a card.
- Leave a baby name book around the house.
- Leave the pregnancy test out where he will find it.
- Have dinner at a restaurant and–on the side–ask the waiter to bring a high chair.
- Rent birth-related movies like Nine Months.
- If it is near a holiday (Father’s Day, Christmas, etc.) give him a baby gift (bib, crayons, bottle, etc.)
- Fill his office or a room in the house with pink and blue balloons with question marks.
- Buy him a parenting book like, “My Boys Can Swim!” (a hilarious book for dads-to-be).
Frequently Asked Question (FAQ)
How early should I tell my partner that I am pregnant?
While you may be anxious and stressed, it’s important to not hold this information away from your partner for too long, as that could cause problems in your relationship. Right now you want to be together, as pregnancy is a huge milestone and not something most want to go through alone. Practice telling a trusted person first, but don’t keep it a secret for more than a couple weeks after you are certain that you are pregnant.
How do I tell them if they are away at the time I find out?
Business trips or military services can occur, and while this may cause an awkward situation it is important to look at the positives! If they will be coming back in the following weeks, you can opt for waiting till they return to tell them the news. If they are going away for a longer duration, or just left, you can break the news through a video call, and wait for their arrival to celebrate the amazing news. There is no going right or wrong time in this situation, therefore as long as they find out from you and not when you’re far along; it will be a beautiful moment! But remember that every person’s opinions vary, and each relationship and situation is different and this is a delicate matter.